Twenty-Five Funniest Analogies!

Hello All, Grace and Peace be to you!

I came across this post on another site, and WITH permission, I am posting it to share with you. These are so funny! Enjoy!!!

The e-mail says they are taken from actual high school essay's and collected by English teacher's across the country for their own amusement. Some of these kid's may have bright futures as humor writer's. What do you think?

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a ThighMaster.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.


LOL! where did you get this. It's halarious! sooooooooo funny. i cant wait to see more!
God bless.

January 4, 2009 at 10:23 AM  

Dear Anonymous,
Thank you! I read it on an English Teachers blog, and I asked her if I could post on my site, and she said yes!!!

I hope you will come back and visit!

Your sister in CHRIST,

January 4, 2009 at 12:07 PM  

wow. well i guess that if they dont have good breath, they have good humor!
God bless

January 4, 2009 at 12:18 PM  

I hope you keep coming back and GOD Bless YOU!

In service for CHRIST,

January 6, 2009 at 1:40 AM  

Brilliant, simply brilliant my friend -- like the light bulb that comes on when you open the refrigerator door, unless the bulb is burned out.

Thanks for the laughs!

-- Chuck

April 5, 2009 at 7:28 PM  

LOL! It's sad and funny at the same time.

Her vocabulary was bad like, whatever.

April 6, 2009 at 1:33 PM  

These are so funny. Keep them coming. I need a good laugh.

April 6, 2009 at 4:20 PM  

you just made my day today! ahahaha!

April 7, 2009 at 1:25 PM  

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